Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Dear guy at Chipotle with the Power Ranger's ringtone: You are my soulmate.

I eat at Chipotle more than I would like to admit, but alas, here I am, professing my love anyways. I drive past the same one every day on my way home from work, and it's all too convenient to just pop on in and grab a burrito the size of a small child.

As for the Power Ranger business? This is the fourth time in the last year that I've stopped in my tracks because I've heard this damn ring tone. If it's the same person or a very loyal fan following in the North Dallas area, I have no idea. But I support it.

Long story short, my kindergarten boyfriend was the red ranger and I was the pink ranger and e v e r y day we would sit by each other on the school bus and talk about the Power Rangers episode we watched the day before and then what we thought the episode would be about that afternoon. Fascinating, I know. Then on Fridays I would kiss him. And we had the same favorite Van Halen song. We really had everything going for us... I think he had a mullet. Never mind.

When it comes to being dorky and owning it, I support this. Hell, I encourage it. That's not to say that this doesn't backfire a great many times. Men of the world that think it's OK to use song lyrics as pick up lines: It's not.

Stop it, or else I'm going to start using my favorite new rendition of your pick up line against you, "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but I'm on bath salts, and you look tasty." Did I lose you? Yes? Kind of? Too soon?

I've come to recognize that there is this strange phase that happens when you start to LIKE like someone, and that we've all (probably) experienced this in some form or fashion. Sometimes it's just nerves or maybe you're taking dating advice from Night At the Roxbury, I don't know. It's not the real you, it's the goofiest and most annoying side of you that you know. I hope.

This theory has been proven wrong many times, so I'm not declaring it in a medical journal that the jerk you met at a bar will drop the act and turn into Jim from The Office. He won't. He might. Don't count on it. I'm more so talking about the awkward phase that can turn you into a total goober in front of a the object of your affection: laughing way to loud and far too often at a joke before it's even told, doing that thing with your mouth half closed and making that clicking noise while winking, using cheesy pick up lines that are songs my 13 year old sister wouldn't even touch and just using pick up lines in general.

This phase is different and unique for everyone, sometimes you recluse when you're usually outgoing, sometimes you act like a monkey at the zoo trying to show off but falling out of a tree instead etc. I find that most go for the show-off route, which in turn makes me revert back to the equivalent of my kindergarten nightmare where I punched Mitch in the playground maze.

It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girl dies in tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.

Yes, that is a quote from The Naked Gun. Sadly. THIS, of all the sappy romantic comedies and tragic love stories, has resonated with me over the last couple of years. I guess I look at love as one of those uncontrollable forces of nature that can come from any direction at any point in time. So, with that I applaud everyone that's found the person that you just want to be around all the time in any way that you can.

Dear Chipotle,
I don't know how to quit you.

Pachuca Sunrise by Minus The Bear

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